A Funny Story: We Got Eaten Alive

Hey! Welcome to another post in the series, A Funny Story.

S: Summer… the season of cold drinks, outdoor pools, and those long-awaited vacations. Some of us, we get through the year with a summer vacation plan cheering us on with the promise of rest, rejuvenation, and fun. 

The first summer of the Covid-19 pandemic brought a halt to jet-setting, passport-stamping vacationing. Not that our family jets to exotic, far-off places – we love our ferry rides to coastal destinations in BC. In any case, the pandemic brought extreme cabin fever to everyone during those days of uncertainty and isolation, so when summer finally arrived, everyone was desperate to get out for a bit of fun and a change of scenery. 

By the end of spring, it seemed that about half the population of Vancouver went out in droves and set up tents in campgrounds across the region. Suddenly, local campgrounds were completely booked up the moment they were released on their roll-out schedules at 7am, every morning. 

That’s how we ended up three hours away in the Skagit Valley, booked for two nights by a lake at a campground we had never heard of before. That’s also how I ended up ignoring the warning signs that cautioned me to pause – well, really advised me to make a complete U-turn. Desperate for a bit of fun and a change of scenery – yes, we were.

C: When my mom checked reviews for the campsite, someone mentioned that the area had quite a few mosquitos but that the rest of the experience had been great. 

“Well,” we thought, “We get mosquitos bites all the time, and sure it gets itchy, but we could handle a few mosquitos, couldn’t we?”

It was clear when we stopped for a bathroom break near the campsite on the way there that it wasn’t just a few mosquitos. There was a lot of them. As soon as we stepped out of the van, they flew right at us in swarms. 

Mom and my little sister went to the bathroom while my brother, my dad, and I stood beside the car trying to recover from the ride on the long and bumpy dirt road. The three of us formed a circle so we could slap the mosquitos off the back of the person in front while having our own backs slapped. The system worked pretty well while we waited. When they were done, we loaded back into the car, still trying to kill a few nasty bugs that had managed to sneak in.

By the time we got to the campsite, we realized that the infestation there was even worse. The large body of water right by our site was, in fact, a swamp and a mosquito breeding ground. There were swarms everywhere and on everything and an unyielding buzz in the air. 

We were unsure of what to do. Should we stay or should we go? Either way, it was dinner time, and we had to eat. Our butts were sore from the ride, and we were starving. It had taken three hours to get there from Vancouver, so we figured we had set up the tent for the night as well. It wasn’t like mom or dad were going to drive the van back on that narrow, bumpy dirt road back in the dark. We really had been looking forward to this trip for a while, so we bravely tried not to let the mosquitos bother us. 

S: I knew right away that this campsite was a mistake. Everyone was putting on a brave face and making the best of it, but it was undeniable. We’d been baited into a mosquito blitz. We arrived at dusk, and the mosquitos descended upon us in hoards, as if they’d been waiting restlessly for their next unsuspecting guests. It was not the great outdoors experience we had been looking forward to. There was no rest, rejuvenation, or fun in sight!

C: For dinner, we had burgers. While dad cooked the patties, Mom protected him from the mosquitos. At one point, she swiped her hand against Dad’s back and exterminated twelve. The mosquitos would land on the on the grill cover for warmth, and we’d would whack them. While we chomped on our burgers, they chomped on us. 

When the tent was finally up, we did our best to make sure that no mosquitos came into the tent or if any managed to sneak in, they were killed. But before we fell asleep, I spotted a single mosquito flying around the roof of our tent. I wasn’t sure if it was actually inside the tent or if it was actually between the tent and the tent cover. I tried to catch it, but it kept evading me, so I fell asleep, hoping that it wasn’t in the tent after all. 

When I woke up the next morning, I felt something on my forehead and, with my mosquito fighting instincts that had developed the previous day, I quickly domed my hand and brought it to my head. Then I flattened my hand, trying not to squish bug juices onto my face. I picked the mosquito off and immediately recognized its beady eyes and menacing grin. I squeezed my palm into a fist and then flicked it on the ground. I didn’t even want to think about what it had done to my face. 

My parents were up, already packing up to go, and when looked up and saw my face, they worked even faster. I guess we were heading out. Hmm… I wonder what I looked like. My whole head including my scalp and been bitten. My face was covered in lumpy welts. 

S: Well, we were not going to spend the next couple of days miserably hiding in the tent from the mosquitos. And when we saw Caseigh in the morning, swollen lumps all over her face and legs, apparently allergic to that particular species’ venom, we just had to get out.

C: My siblings were better off, because their wonderful sister had protected them by attracting the offending attackers to her own sweet blood. Apparently, the mosquitos especially enjoyed biting me. I accumulated hundreds of bites, and each one swelled and hardened, making me look like a bit of a horror show character. 

But, all of us had gotten bitten a lot and in the weirdest places. I was bitten all over my eyelids, dad had a bite on his nose, Mom had one in her armpit, and my siblings had bites on their butts. They were all very awkward to scratch at. 

So, we left the swamp and those fiendish mosquitos. And we came back with this story to tell you.

S: Readers, we’d love to know how you deal with mosquitos at the campground. If you have tips, please share them in the comments section, and we will take note the next time we go camping. We’ll start off with the first tip: #1 – Do not camp beside a swamp!

C: Oh, wait! I have tip #2: Most people think that mosquitos suck blood. They don’t. Their mouths are like a straw, and once it’s in our flesh, our bodies pump blood into their mouths. It’s gross, but you can use this information to your advantage and get revenge! If you see a mosquito biting you, simply squeeze the skin around the area. This traps their mouth in there. They won’t be able to get out, and you’ll just keep pumping your blood into their body. Eventually, the pressure builds up and their butts explode with blood.